And it continues......

Oh boy. Just when I was comfortable with the idea of having no connection to Izzy's paternal side of the family I get another slap in the face. Let me just say I never told any of them to leave. They all have left on their own free will. It has been a full year since I have heard from his mother. Until this past Saturday that is.... Just seems very odd that a week before we go to court she decides she wants back into our lives? I dont get it. Why should she be able to choose when she can come in and out of our lives. Well, the conversation didn't go so well. I tried to keep it calm and collected but its hard with this lady. Real hard. Not just because shes his mother but the way she treated us last year is hard to forget. This convo was literally almost the same one we had last year! Seriously? I am over the drama. I moved on. She called me selfish. Really? Was any decision I made in the past 2 years in anyway selfish? I guess it was selfish of me not to abort my baby? or was it selfish of me to move back in with my parents so we would have a roof over our heads even though thats the last place I would like to live? Was it selfish of me to take on a second job working overnights giving me NO sleep so I could afford to feed my child? I dont know what selfish choices I have made to make her say I was in anyway shape or form selfish! Ugh! that part really fired me up. She says this has nothing to do with her son. She claims he has done nothing wrong. It was all my fault and it was my choice to have this baby. Soooo shes saying I should have aborted my daughter HER grandchild. sigh..... its a lose lose situation with her just like it was with Izzy's "dad". I dont know what else I can do. I emailed her a few days ago saying a few things along the lines of that I would give her a second chance as long as she respects what i chose to do with my daughter and what not. Haven't heard a peep back yet tho. I am SO nervous about Friday! errr I dont know what to expect. I dont know if he will even show up but I can only assume he will. I dont think hes that dumb...I could be giving him too much credit though. We'll see.
         Thats about all thats going on so far. You know besides the lack of sleep and now I am sick, oh joy!  Work again tonight!

Freedom...for now.

I have some freedom for the time being. Izzy is napping in her crib. I honestly can't remember the last time she took a nap in her own crib without me. Ahhh I could get used to this. Crazy how she is 14.5 months old and I swear she hasnt slept in her crib for naps since she was a newbie.... I loved our snuggle time, mainly now because thats when i sleep due to work. I decided today to try it out again, she used to wake right up so thats why i haven't attempted in awhile, I pushed her nap back a bit since she woke up late. Don't let that fool you she didn't sleep good at all last night. Go figure. My night home and she decided she couldn't sleep alone. She takes awhile to adjust to this job I have.  I really wish I could afford to quit it. Seriously. I hate it. sigh....

Well, theres really nothing completely new to us lately. Which is fine I suppose. I don't know. I feel very exhausted lately. I may be finally reaching my breaking point with the lack of sleep. I could deal fine with her fighting her crib and what not if I had the chance to sleep most nights. You know instead of work. Babies aren't cheap! I need to win the lottery. I don't know how else I will get back completely on my own feet......one day....

April 1st is our court date. I am very nervous about it. For many reasons than just the fact of will I get anything out of him for her. I don't know how I will feel seeing him again. I haven't been face to face with him since eeerrr she was 5 months and that was an accidental run in....that did NOT go well. I can be civil I can be mature about this situation but there is still a big part of me that just wants to let him have it. I know I know it won't do anything. He won't understand. So I will go and keep my mouth shut like a good girl that I am. Thankfully my friend will watch peanut for me. I can't bring her anywho....

Next thing on my mind....school....I have been thinking about this alot lately. I really want to go back. I want to do something OTHER than retail/serving. That will have to wait till I can put her in school. Hopefully that will work out!

I wish I had more time to keep updating this. But this is all for now.

I felt like posting a picture from newbie days! This is Izzy going home from the Hospital...1 day old! ohhh so tiny! :)